When it comes to the blue clay in Madrid, there’s one thing we can all agree on: We’re all talking about the blue clay in Madrid. For a tournament without much history, that’s not a bad marketing coup. I’ll get to talking about the actual tennis that’s being played on these courts soon. Until then, here are some initial thoughts after bathing in the sea of blue that was the Caja Majica while sitting on my couch watching Tennis Channel’s early coverage.

• Better optics. Is the true, no? Among tournament owner Ion Tiriac’s defenses of blue clay, the one that’s universally convincing is that it offers better viewing for spectators. No doubt that the color contrast between the ball and the court is significantly better with blue as the backdrop. Watching red-clay tournaments on a non-HD television (or even worse, an online feed) can sometimes feel like a futile endeavor, where I pretend like I can totally see the ball when, really, I totally can’t see the ball. So watching matches on Tennis Channel in standard definition was great. You can track the ball as well as you can on a hard court. Which brings me to my next point …

• Same same, but different. No, really, it looks like a hard court. For all the talk about the unique nature of the court, the reality is that if you’re not paying attention, Madrid looks like an indoor hard-court tournament. Part of that is because it has been overcast there so we haven’t seen how the clay looks under stronger natural light. According to USA Today, 49 percent of ATP tournaments are played on blue hard courts, meaning the tournament’s quest for individuality actually led to conformity. It’s like hipster culture: If you’re all growing beards, dressing like lumberjacks and riding fixies, are you really all that unique?

• It’s cool, and not in a good way. I was at the Caja Majica last year and I found it to be one of the least-inviting venues to watch tennis. Center court is cavernous, the seats are rarely full and the design of the whole venue, from the exposed concrete to the heavy use of stark metals, made it feel cold and alienating. The red clay was the only organic thing about the venue, which actually made it visually striking. Now, watching on television thousands of miles away, the blue clay just exacerbates that empty space-age feeling, especially on center court where the blue clay is surrounded by a lower bowl filled with grey metal chairs and barriers. I half expect to see the Jetsons sitting courtside.

• Let’s not vamos. The Madrid Open wants to be different. I understand that and admire the outside-the-box thinking, even if the ideas themselves don’t sit well. But on the heels of tournaments like Monte Carlo and Barcelona, which gave fans visuals of sun-drenched skies and warm red clay, why would you want to give fans whiplash by playing on a surface that looks like AstroTurf? It just screams artificial and manufactured. I rarely watch tournaments on television and think, “I’d rather be here than there.” But the thought quickly crossed my mind before I shamefully whisked it away.

• Tumbling, anyone? The blue clay has been likened to many things: Smurf Village, Cookie Monster, Slurpees and Bronco Stadium (home to Boise State football) come to mind. But all I can see is this. If Tiriac wants to keep this blue clay next year and continue innovating, may I humbly suggest hiring ball kids who can do a triple whipback while shagging balls?

What were your impressions after finally seeing the blue clay in action? Vote in the poll and sound off in the comments. 

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Rafael Nadal: A champ and his champs. Spraying the celebratory bubbly never gets old.

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Maria Sharapova: “Get in, loser, we’re going shopping.”

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Martina Hingis: Be kind to net cords and net cords will be kind to you.

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Maria Sharapova and Victoria Azarenka: This rivalry is going to be fun.

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Andy Murray: Don’t worry, that’s just how he smiles. I think.

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Andrea Petkovic: Blood, sweat, and tears. Get well, Petko.

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Petra Kvitova: After beating her at Wimbledon last year, Petra hasn’t been able to solve Maria Sharapova, going o-2 in 2012. Not time to bow down quite yet, Petra. There’s still time.

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David Ferrer: You know you’re officially a thing when a top player celebrates like this when they beat you in the semifinals. So yeah, you’re a thing now, Milos Raonic.

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Agnieszka Radwanska: How do you say “ownage” in Polish? Well if you look that word up in a Polish dictionary you’ll see this picture right next to the definition. Every single one of Radwanska’s five losses in 2012 have been to Azarenka.

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Mike, Bob and Micaela Bryan: Baby straight chillin’ like it ain’t no thing. You might not be too impressed either, knowing your dad (Bob, on the right) has a habit of winning all the time. I mean, what’s one Masters 1000 title out of 20? One ATP trophy out of 77? “Call me when you do something special, dad.”

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Rafael Nadal: Welcome home, Rafa. Sorry it’s a bit dusty, but I hear you like it that way.

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Andrea Petkovic: We run a co-ed ship here at Beyond The Baseline, and let’s just say that every BTB team member is excited to have Petko back in the fold. For her tennis. Obviously for her tennis. Nothing but her tennis.

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Novak Djokovic: Not everyone has to grieve the passing of a loved one while millions of eyes are watching your every move. Novak Djokovic did. Had to feel for the guy.

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Svetlana Kuznetsova and Ana Ivanovic: Given their much-publicized struggles, it’s easy to forget that we’re looking at two Grand Slam champions in that picture. It’s also easy to forget because Sveta got herself a hardcore riot girl haircut. Lookin’ good, Sveta.

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Ivan Ljubicic: So who’s going to tell Ljubey that he’s holding his hat upside down? Definitely not the guy on the right.

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Serena Williams: Serena just realized that she indeed flew all the way to Ukraine to contest a Fed Cup tie in what looked like a forest in Kharkiv against a team composed of no one ranked inside the top 100.

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Juan Monaco: Poor Pico. Two Sundays ago, he was jumping in a pool to celebrate his title in Houston. A few days later, he was in a pool rehabbing an ankle sprain from a nasty spill in Monte Carlo. The Tennis Gods can be cruel.

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Heather Watson, Laura Robson, Anne Keothavong: Move over, One Direction. The Spice Girls are makin’ a comeback.

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Monte Carlo grounds: Hold on. It’s a tax-free haven and it looks like that? I hereby volunteer to start up Sports Illustrated‘s Monaco office.

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Jo-Wilfried Tsonga: You can try to ignore Jo’s faux-hawk all you want (what is it with all these haircuts lately?), but he’s going to keep pointing at it.

But it’s odd to be reminded that yes, Maria Sharapova — the Grande Dame of tennis — is only 25 years old. It feels like she’s been around forever and, well, she sort of has. She broke out at the young age of 17, where as the 13th seed she beat Lindsay Davenport and Serena Williams to win her maiden Grand Slam title at Wimbledon in 2004. Sharapova has continued to build on that (while building Sharapova, Inc., of course), tacking on two more Slam titles and a stint at No. 1. Now at 25 years old, she’s into her “second career”, still rebuilding her game since shoulder surgery knocked her out in 2008.

So we all know the post-2004-Wimbledon-winning Sharapova well. But what about before she became a thing? Here’s a look back at the early days, before young Maria Sharapova became “Maria Sharapova”. You know, the one who freaked out the world when she decided to throw on a wig.

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Sharapova’s first full year on tour was 2002, and like many young players looking for match play, the now doubles-allergic Russian teamed up with Gisela Dulko at the Pacific Life Open in Indian Wells. They won one match. Maria ain’t allergic to doubles for nothin’.

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Though, she kept on trying to play doubles. Here she is with fellow Bollittieri Academy kid, Ashely Harkleroad at the 2003 NASDAQ-100 Open in Miami. By their facial expressions, I’m guessing Maria hadn’t exactly improved her game by then.

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In October of 2003, Sharapova wins her first WTA Title in Tokyo, Japan. In return, Japan makes Maria engage in quite a few ridiculous exhibitions over the years.

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Always the perfect spokeswoman, here she is introducing laptop technology to the world in January 2004. As any self-respecting blogger would say, “Thanks, Maria!”

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At the 2004 French Open, Sharapova debuted a new “skater” look. Just kidding. She didn’t. But she totally should have.

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By the time the 2004 grass court season rolled around, Sharapova was ranked No. 15 in the world and she captured her first grass court title in Birmingham, beating another Russian-born fresh faced teenager, 16-year old Tatiana Golovin, in the final. In so doing, Maria introduced her patented “look o’ smug”.

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You’d be smug too if you also won the doubles event with your good friend Maria Kirilenko. That’s right, folks, Maria Sharapova has a doubles title. She actually has three career titles, having won two in 2003 with Tamarine Tanasugarn.

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Very true, Maria. A woman does have to do what she’s gotta do.

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So two weeks later, she did this and a star was born.

Happy 25th birthday, Maria. May you fool us all with faux haircuts and non-existent doubles talent for many years to come.

PS: Oddly, the below picture popped up while I was searching for old Sharapova pics. Random, yet also appropriate:

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The Henin-Hardennes lift a toast to you, Maria. Cheers!

But enough about the tennis. This week on Felicity…

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Maria Sharapova: The woman whose long blonde locks have been as much a part of her brand as three-Slam titles, has gone and chopped it all off. No really, it’s all gone (well, most of it anyways). I think she looks fabulously chic, but I’d be lying if I didn’t shriek in shock when I saw the pictures. The mind was reeling and I’m not proud of the flurry of questions that came flying out of my mouth:

1. How is that going to work with a visor?
2. OMG did you and Sasha break up?
3. So … barrettes? A headband? How are you going to tame your flyaways?
4. Girl, you’re getting married in six months! No one chops their hair like this before their wedding!
5. No really, how is this going to work with a visor? Because remember this?

Maria will return to the court at the tournament in Stuttgart next week. Next week could not come quick enough. I want to see this new ‘do in action.

(Update: Sharapova announced that the haircut was actually a wig.)

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Andy Murray: Always a follower, never a trendsetter. And even then he can’t get that right. Are people going to be queuing up in London for “The MuzzBuzz”?

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Juan Monaco: While some crazy tennis players are celebrating the warm weather by shearing their locks, Pico celebrated like most normal people would: pool party!

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Sara Errani: When Errani goes to work she earns her paycheck. She became the first woman since 2009 to sweep singles and doubles at two tournaments in one season (Acapulco, Barcelona). Who knew Italians could be known for their efficiency?

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James Blake: He hasn’t won a tour-level match in 2012 but that doesn’t mean he’s still not gripping and ripping. Or re-gripping and ripping, as the case may be.

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John Isner: Big John and Little John, sized for your convenience.

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Pablo Andujar: As rain fell in Casablanca, Pablo forgot the cardinal rule of successfully defending your title. Never. Cover. Your. Face. Especially, you, Pablo. Especially you.

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Serena Williams: Serena’s still Instagramming like a champ but she gets extra points for using the retro-filter app to take pictures are her 80′s themed party, The Williams Invitational. When she goes all out, she goes all out.

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Caroline Wozniacki and Angelique Kerber: Credit to Wozniacki that you rarely can tell whether she won or lost after  a match. Thankfully her home tournament in Copenhagen had a huge bottle of champagne on hand to make sure we knew who won. Champions get the champs, losers get the … whatever that grey thing is.

Serena Williams has embraced Instagram as a way to share photos of herself. (@serenawilliams)

In case you missed the news, Facebook has acquired Instagram, the retro-photo filter app for iPhone and Android, for $1 billion. I mean, it’s everything that is the world these days: It’s aught-technology wrapped up in a shaggy carpet of nostalgia. If people actually want to go back in time, how about we take that $1 billion and actually invent a time machine.

Not that Instagram has been limited to tech-hipsters and teenagers who now have an easy way to post and share pictures of sunsets, dorm food, and scuffed-up Converses. Athletes use it all the time too, and though people can laugh at the faux-artsy nature of photo filters, one thing we can all agree on is that it encourages people to share random moments from their lives. Those small moments can be fun and telling, so hey, if Instagram means I get more access into the lives of my favorite players, give the company all the money it wants.

Here’s a short list of players who have already taken to Instagram like black plastic glasses to hipsters.

1. Serena Williams: Nobody uses Instagram better than Serena. Simply Nobody.

2. Victoria Azarenka: Azarenka just recently got a new iPhone, which she loves, and she’s been Instagramming like a pro ever since. Here is her artistic rendering of how technology has overtaken the simplest of things, such as family dinner. On the flip side, remember those days when you could eat your dinner without some top tennis player taking out their camera, snapping a picture, and then photocopying it and handing it out to 87,000 complete strangers? Just wondering.

3. Dinara Safina: Dinara was an early adopter of the Instagram craze and her constant stream of retro pictures of Moscow make you think she’s part of the set-design team for a movie set during the Cold War. Now if only she could get her brother into it…

4. Edina Gallovits-Hall: She’s new to the game, but I think the world No. 96 getting the hang of it. Also… I want a cupcake.

5. Maria Sharapova: OK, I don’t have proof that this is actually an Instagram. After all, Sharapova is a true saleswoman and she would never post an Instagram from her Sony Xperia phone — yes the same Sony Xperia that was her sponsor at the time the pic was taken — when the app wasn’t available yet for Android, would she? Because if she did it would pretty much tell everyone that she wasn’t using her Sony Xperia phone, but actually a — gasp! — iPhone. Basically what I’m saying is that Maria has an iPhone and so “AHA!” I caught you. Busted.

Did I miss any other great Instagrammers? Let me know in the comments.

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John Isner: “Augh, this was funny the first few times, but y’all need to stop trying to climb me.”

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Radek Stepanek and Tomas Berdych: Not only is its handshake technique questionable, but the Czech Republic’s CPR training also leaves a lot to be desired.

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Serena Williams: Lather, rinse, repeat.

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Jo-Wilfried Tsonga and Guy Forget: So long, Captain.

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Venus Williams: No one beats Samantha Stosur without two thumbs.

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John Isner: Americans no longer fear the clay. That we know. Wasps, on the other hand? One thing at a time, people.

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Sabine Lisicki and Serena Williams: “It’s totally cool that we’re wearing the same colors. I’m totally not mad, I promise.”

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Jelena Ristic and Novak Djokovic: Right down to the ironic dog, they are just the cutest little pair of Serbian hipsters Monte Carlo has ever seen.

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Venus Williams and Charleston fans: ”Hi, Venus! Can you sign my totally cool racket cover that looks nothing like you or your sister? Thanks!”

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Jelena Jankovic: I hope that’s gluten-free, Jelena. You need all the help you can get these days.

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Brazil captain Joao Zwetsch: You know what’s more fun than this picture? Saying “Joao Zwetsch” over and over and over and over again.

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President Barack Obama: Crisp white shirt, cotton pants and a one-handed backhand. President Obama, keepin’ it old school.

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UFC’s Rashad Evans and Victoria Azarenka: If ever one picture summed up the WTA in 2012, this is it.

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Venus Williams: Azarenka isn’t the only one who can rock shorts and build winning streaks. Playing her first tournament since last September, Venus upset No. 3 Petra Kvitova in the second round and was set to face Ana Ivanovic in the fourth round Monday.

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Fernando Gonzalez: Adios, amigo. Love that our last image of Gonzo is of his rackets sticking out of his bag like gun barrels. Because they were.

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Rory McIlroy, Agnieszka Radwanska and Caroline Wozniacki: Hey, Rory, you might want to explain the rules to Aga. I don’t think she understands how you win a staring contest.

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Ryan Harrison: Stand down, PETA. He’s much nicer to dolphins than he is to rackets.

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Serena Williams: Who let the dogs out? Actually, Venus did. That’s Harold, her Havanese, who also made a brief cameo at one of her press conferences.

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Radek Stepanek: Stepanek? More like Steppenwolf.

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Sergei Bubka: Azarenka’s boyfriend gets the guillotine treatment.

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Maria Sharapova: Let’s face it: This is as graceful as Maria Sharapova has ever looked at the net.

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Rafael Nadal: The air in Miami. The humidity is no joke.

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Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic: Yeah, we were all a bit shocked too, Novak.

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Andy Roddick: Well, the form still looks good. There’s always that.

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Malaysian Open: Doused with rain all week, the grounds crew in Kuala Lumpur probably needed to upgrade its tools. I’m sure Carrot Top has a gigantic prop mop if needed.

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Jo-Wilfried Tsonga: Still trying to determine which is more eye-catching: Jo’s tongue or his faux-hawk.

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Novak Djokovic: Big Brother is watching you, Marko.

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Tomas Berdych: “No! I refuse to leave until you tell me how you were able to umpire the longest tennis match in history and not request a bathroom break once.”

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Andy Murray: I’m no expert on fundamentals, but you probably shouldn’t hit it right at him, Andy.

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Feliciano Lopez: Little did we know that his racket was also “deliciano.”

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Jo-Wilfried Tsonga: With Gael Monfils sidelined with injury, Tsonga is making sure the photo wires meet their quota of “tennis player prone on the ground” pictures.

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David Ferrer and Sara Errani: Who wore it better?

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Serena and Venus Williams with Mario Lopez: Someone ring the bell! Please, someone ring the bell!

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Albano Olivetti: Welcome to the world of “Oh hey, I think I know that guy.”

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Caroline Wozniacki: Alert the Tennis Integrity Unit!

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Olivier Rochus and Milos Raonic: Jack and the Beanstalk, a modern tale.

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Sophia Arvidsson: Memphis is my homeboy.

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Jurgen Melzer: Winning Memphis with a broken toe, Jurgen could be celebrating or grimacing in pain. Maybe both.

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Memphis Crowd: Sometimes front row seats on the baseline aren’t the best seats in the house, especially when John Isner is serving.

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Julia Goerges: That’s what beating Caroline Wozniacki three straight times looks like.

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Jelena Jankovic: Do you think she’s asking for Ana Ivanovic’s autograph? Yeah, me neither.

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Julia Goerges: “What do you want from me? I beat Svetlana Kuznetsova and Caroline Wozniacki. You want me to beat Radwanska, too?”

Goerges was particularly on fire with her facial expressions in Dubai, so much so that she inspired the creation of this Tumblr.